Jokes anyone?

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way. Unique up on him.

nothing like a clean one!

What's green and smells of pork ????





.........Kermit's finger.....

Why were Tigger & Piglet looking in the toilet?

They were looking for Pooh.

And a not-so-clean joke...

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says,
'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he
wants for breakfast.

'Oh, s*** mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice,
' And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f***ing Coco Pops'

...
"You guys like "fishsticks"?"
...

One for the Kiwis...

What's a Hindu?

It lays iggs.

What's the difference between George Michael & a microwave?

A microwave stops when you open the door.

Talking about microwaves how do you make an excellent singer / songwriter?

You still a duck in a microwave, turn it on and wait until it's bill withers.

Ba dum tish!!!

What do you call nuts on your wall?
Walnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chest?
Chestnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chin?
Felatio.

Because childish jokes are the best jokes...

What's brown and sounds like a bell?


DUNG

Forgive the language...

I saw my friend Dave the other day. He's only got one arm. I said "Alright Dave, where are you off to?" He said "I'm going to change a lightbulb." I laughed and said "That's going be a bit difficult isn't it?" Dave said "Not really, I've still got the receipt, you spiteful twat."

Two buckets of sick are walking down the street. The one turns to the other and says 'I was bought up round here'

I was chattin' to James on Facebook and he was telling me about a fella he interviewed for an assistants position (okay, he wasn't, but I put it in for effect).

It was job at a local call centre, and got down to the final interview for Assistant Team Leader. His interview was with Pradeep, and Jam wanted to see what his grasp of English is like. He wasn't so keen on Pradeep, so though to himself, "How can I stump him." He said, "Okay, now, I want you to use the words 'green', 'pink' and 'yellow' in a sentence."

Pradeep thought about it for a minute. He then said, "I have it, isn't it. I am sitting at my desk, with my headset on, and the phone goes "GREEN, GREEN." I pink it up and say, "Yellow, Pradeep speaking! How can I be directing your call?"

Anybody who has called the phone company since has most likely spoken to Pradeep.

I had to go to hospital for treatment for premature ejaculation last week. I'm alright now, but the doctor said it was touch and go.

gary barry gordon wrote:I was chattin' to James on Facebook and he was telling me about a fella he interviewed for an assistants position (okay, he wasn't, but I put it in for effect).

It was job at a local call centre, and got down to the final interview for Assistant Team Leader. His interview was with Pradeep, and Jam wanted to see what his grasp of English is like. He wasn't so keen on Pradeep, so though to himself, "How can I stump him." He said, "Okay, now, I want you to use the words 'green', 'pink' and 'yellow' in a sentence."

Pradeep thought about it for a minute. He then said, "I have it, isn't it. I am sitting at my desk, with my headset on, and the phone goes "GREEN, GREEN." I pink it up and say, "Yellow, Pradeep speaking! How can I be directing your call?"

Anybody who has called the phone company since has most likely spoken to Pradeep.

Worst thing is, that's so close to the truth, it's scary!